


What's In A Name?

by shakespearesocks



Category: Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: anxiety is precious and everyone else is kind of mean, whoops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-06
Updated: 2017-06-06
Packaged: 2018-11-09 18:17:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11110167
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shakespearesocks/pseuds/shakespearesocks
Summary: "You don’t need to know my name. I’m a concept. I’m a mystery. I’m-”“Being really extra today.”Thomas wants to know Anxiety’s real name. Patton, Logan, and Roman try to help. Hilarity ensues.





	What's In A Name?

“Maybe, good enough to tell us… your name?” Thomas gives Anxiety a hesitant and hopeful smile. Patton claps in agreement.

“You _are_ the last one, and even _we_ don’t know your name, so we’re kinda curious!”

“Well…” Anxiety’s glare softens and he shrugs. “Okay. My name…”

Thomas, Patton, Roman, and Logan all hold their breaths in dramatic anticipation. Anxiety (real name to be announced imminently) bathes in the suspense.

He smirks.

“Is Talyn!” Everyone blinks as ‘AnxieTalyn’ grins back at them.

\- “Okay.”

\- “That is upsetting.”

\- “Well!”

Patton pauses. “Wait, _is_ it Talyn?”

Anxiety is back to looking like Thomas. His glare returns. “No! You take turns changing me into different friends today and expect me to open up to all of you? Fat chance!”

Thomas sighs. Anxiety has a point.  

***

Thomas is walking around the mind palace, trying to become more accustomed to it. He loves it, and he knows all his sides do too, so he’s trying to go outside the comfort and familiarity of his apartment every so often and get to know the mind palace better. Honestly, the only two downsides to the mind palace are the weird echo and the unfamiliarity; other than that Thomas could spend ages in here looking at the art on the walls or the pictures of loved ones that Patton has put around the place.

He glances at the dark corner Anxiety likes to frequent (but not right now – right now Anxiety is sitting on surfaces that aren’t chairs and listening to My Chemical Romance), and a thought comes to his mind.

“Okay, is it just me or is everyone _dying_ to find out Anxiety’s name?” He doesn’t say this to anyone in particular, just out loud.

“I sure am!”

Thomas startles to see Patton appear in his new usual spot (Patton tried to suggest 'newsual', but that was shut down by everyone), next to all the photos of Thomas’ friends and family.

“Patton!”

“Hey there, kiddo! How are you liking the mind palace?”

“I love it! Shame about that echo, though.”

Logan appears in front of his bookshelves. “While I can perhaps suggest remedies to the echo, I too am curious about Anxiety’s name.” He adjusts his glasses. “Your viewers all want to know, _you_ don’t know, neither does Roman nor Patton, and – though it pains me to admit it – I don’t know either.”

“What?!” Patton cries. “But you’re so smart!”

“Oh, Logan, you’re here too!” Thomas smiles at the unexpected entrance. 

“Of course. Being your logical side, my purpose is the pursuit of knowledge, which, in this case, is the knowledge of our cynical friend’s name.” He adjusts his glasses again; a move which Thomas is beginning to suspect isn’t actually to fix his glasses. “I assume you’ve called us here to try and figure out his name? Or perhaps…” He switches into his Sherlock Holmes outfit, barely hiding the joy from his usually monotone voice. “Deduce it?"

“You need to chill,” A third voice says, and Thomas turns to see Roman cringing at Logan’s outfit.

“You’re no fun.” Logan mumbles, back in his normal outfit.

“ _You’re_ no fun!” Roman yells back. “That’s your whole thing!”

“Roman!” Thomas grins. “Why are you here?”

“Well, as much as I… dislike Anxiety, I have to say I _am_ curious about what his name is. I mean, we all knew each other’s names, but we don’t know his.”

“Oh.” Thomas furrows his brow. “That’s kind of sad. Have you asked him?”

Patton nods furiously. “I’ve asked him tons of times!”

“What did he say?” Thomas asks, Logan and Roman listening intently.

“Nunya.”

“Nunya what?” They all ask in unison.

“Nunya _business._ ” A new voice comes from the dark corner and everyone jumps to see Anxiety glowering at them.

“Ah! Anxiety!” Thomas yells (in the same way he always does when Anxiety shows up – he feels a little bad at this point). “I thought you were listening to My Chemical Romance?”

“I was,” Anxiety growls, “but then I ran out of material, because they _broke up_.”

“Too soon.” Patton sighs.

“Really a tragedy.” Roman laments.

“Yikes.” Logan comments.

“Ouch. Okay, well, we were-”

“You were just _talking_ about me?” Anxiety glares. “You know that makes me...” 

“Anxious?” Logan asks. 

“Yes, exactly. You don’t _need_ to know my name. I’m a concept. I’m a mystery. I’m-”

“Being _really_ extra today.” Roman interrupts.

Anxiety rolls his eyes. “Whatever. I’m going to find more surfaces to sit on.” He disappears.

“Well, that was… pleasant.” Roman says sarcastically.

“Now, Roman, I know you’re not fond of Anxiety, but maybe you oughta be a bit nicer to him!” Patton says in a tone that can only be described as - fittingly - paternal.

“But _he’s_ not nice to _me_!” Roman whines.

“Okay, okay, let’s calm down now.” Thomas says. “So, Anxiety won’t tell us his name. What do we do?”

Logan thinks. “We could all think of ways to find out, in our own unique way?”

Thomas smiles. “Yes! Good idea, Logan!" 

“ _Lit_.” Logan says. “Did I get that right?”

Thomas shrugs. “Close enough."

"Lit. Shall I go first?”

"Only if you stop saying lit."

 

Logan

 

Logan stands in front of a whiteboard. “Okay, so we want to find out Anxiety’s name.”

Thomas nods. “Yes.”

“You know what this means.” A pause. Thomas blinks. 

“Uh.” 

“I swear, I am the intellectual powerhouse of this personality,” Logan complains under his breath, and uncaps a whiteboard marker. “We brainstorm.” 

“Wonderful!” Roman sings.

“That sounds fun!” Patton grins. “Brain storms sound cool and gross! Where do you get the brains from?”

“Obviously not from you.” Logan hisses.

Thomas winces. “That’s… not what that means.”

“You _know_ what a brainstorm is, we talked about them so much in the originality video.” Roman says in a confused tone. Patton shrugs cheerily.

“Please don’t ruin the sacred process of brainstorming, Patton.” Logan sighs. “No, we write ideas and theories of Anxiety’s name on this whiteboard.”

“Sounds remarkable!" 

“Yes, thank you.”

“Get it? Because whiteboards are _re-markable_? And this is going to be _remarkably_ _fun_? It’s a pun!” Thomas would be mad if not for the beam radiating off Patton right now.

“I hate you.”

Thomas steps in before Logan can insult any more of Patton’s puns. “I do think this is going to be fun, though!”

Logan nods in agreement and adjusts his glasses. “Of course it is, Thomas! Now, are you familiar with Latin?” 

“I’m sorry, what now?”

*** 

After a solid hour of brainstorming, Logan has written a long list of name ideas and Patton has found another whiteboard marker and is drawing an actual brain storm on the other half of the whiteboard. Thomas yawns. Roman got bored and left ages ago to duel some dragon-witch, apparently.

“Okay, so at five minutes and nine seconds duration into your 13th vlog featuring us personality sides, titled ‘My Negative Thinking,’ you asked Anxiety for his name, and he said “no”, but you cut him off before he could finish, which _could_ imply his name begins with the syllable ‘No’. So let’s write down any names that begin with that syllable. Noah, Noel, Norman-”

“I don’t think so.” Thomas says, shaking his head.

"You think my name is _Norman_?" Anxiety appears next to Thomas, looking up at the blackboard with a disgusted look. "I'm almost offended."

"We are scraping the barrel, to be fair." Logan concedes. 

"Well, it doesn't matter anyway.  You didn't even guess my name. Anthony? _Angel_? You're kidding me. Nice try." He disappears again.

"What now?" Thomas asks.

"Well, does anyone have a green whiteboard marker?" Patton asks. "I want to draw some lasers in here."

"Why?" Logan asks. Patton shrugs. Logan sighs. "Well, we could keep brainstorming."

“No, no, no!” Roman exclaims, having returned from his apparent dragon-witch duel. “This isn’t how you find out Anxiety’s name!”

“Of course it is, it’s brainstorming.” Logan says.

“As much as I love brainstorming, you have to be creative about these things! Stand aside, Logan, it's my turn!"

He pauses. “Did you actually put ‘Nunya Business’ on the board?”

“Well, I couldn’t rule it out, could I?” Logan says.

 

Roman

 

“Anxiety, could you come here for a second?” Roman calls out.

“Oh, Roman, it’s just you. I was afraid it was someone important.” Anxiety drawls.

“Do _not_ use The Lion King against me like that!” Roman shrieks, shielding his ears dramatically. He huffs. “Anyway, I wanted to introduce you to someone." 

“What?” Anxiety asks. “You realise that meeting people isn’t… my thing. Like, at all.” 

Roman pointedly ignores him. “Anyway, I wanted to introduce you to… Valerie!” He gestures at a waving but confused Valerie.

“Uh.” Anxiety pauses. “I _know_ Valerie. She was here for the Valentine’s Day video. And you guys turned me into her for last video.”

“What was that?” Valerie asks.

“Nothing, don’t worry about it.” Roman hushes her. “Anyway, you might know Valerie but _she_ doesn’t know _you_.”

“Uh.” Anxiety and Valerie both utter in unison. 

“No, I know Anxiety,” Valerie says, “We hang out sometimes.”

“What?” Roman utters. “When? Why? Actually, nevermind. Valerie does theatre-”

“Along with all of Thomas’ friends-” 

“-Let’s just _act_ like I’m introducing you two for the first time.”

“Oh, fun!” Valerie grins.

“I don’t like this.” Anxiety says. “We’re acting? Is there a script?”

“No, Surly Temple, there’s no script. Improvise!” 

Anxiety freezes. “Oh no. Improvising.”

“Valerie, you go first!”

“Okay. Hi!” 

“Um.” Anxiety stammers, not making eye contact.

“I’m Valerie, what’s your name?”

“Nothing. I mean. I. What. Thank you?” Anxiety stutters. “I… have to leave.” He vaguely gestures to his phone as apparent excuse and walks out, backwards and rapidly.

“... What just happened there?” Thomas asks, having been watching from a distance with Patton and Logan.

“Yeah, I’m very confused.” Valerie adds.

“We're trying to find out Anxiety's name."

"Oh, that makes sense."

"Sorry for dragging you into this, Valerie.” Thomas says. 

She shrugs. “Roman said he'd do Disney duets with me if I helped out.”

“I think he's probably getting more out of that than you.”

“Maybe.” She grins. “But princess duets!”

***

“Okay, well that didn’t work.” Thomas says after Valerie has left. “What do we do now?”

“Well, kiddo,” Patton exclaims dramatically, “It’s my turn!”

 

Patton

 

“ _Please_ will you tell us your name? Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?” Patton is clinging to Anxiety’s foot whining while Anxiety - who initially looked standoffish and contemptuous - is now beginning to look around awkwardly for an escape, face reddening just slightly under all his pale foundation.

“I can’t tell if he’s being genuine or if his plan was to _annoy_ Anxiety into telling us his name.” Logan says, watching the scene in fascination. “Whichever one it is, it looks effective.”

Anxiety sighs. “Patton, get up.”

Patton scrambles to his feet. “Are you going to tell us?”

“No!” Anxiety’s usually quiet and monotone voice raises much higher than Thomas or any of the sides are used to. “You guys just don’t stop, do you? You don’t get it! Last time, I didn’t tell you my name because you all took turns changing me into your friends and I wasn’t going to open up to you after that. You think I’m going to open up after you _pressure_ me to tell you my name? Maybe I don’t _want_ you to know my name! _Maybe_ I think you’ve realised you don’t know my name and now you just pity me and want me to feel included because none of you actually want me here!”

He stops. The colour and anger drains from his face as he sees Thomas and the other sides. 

It’s times like these when the fact that all of them look alike is so evident. All of them are looking at him with identical expressions of pity and shame.

“I’m sorry for yelling.” He mumbles, and disappears.

There’s a prolonged silence in which they all look at the empty space where Anxiety was standing.

“Oh.” Logan is the first to break the silence. “We did… something wrong. Again.” 

Patton nods. “We messed up. I feel horrible. Anxiety didn’t need that.”

Roman sighs. “I agree, we shouldn’t have taken our curiosity this far.”

Thomas grimaces and looks at the other sides. “This is all my fault. I let my curiosity get out of hand and gave you all this idea.”

Patton shakes his head. “We were all pretty big jerks to Anxiety. It’s not just your fault.”

“Indeed, we were all responsible for the pressure he was feeling,” Logan says, “Not just you.”

“I admit, I took this too far as well.” Roman concedes, ashamed. His usual prideful look is missing.

Thomas sighs. He doesn’t know how this got out of hand so quickly. He sighs, and starts to speak.

“Identity is important, guys. And you all didn't tell me your names until you felt it was right. We pressured Anxiety, and he lashed out, rightfully. I guess this is a lesson in respecting boundaries.”

The three all give some sort of murmured agreement.

“And,” Thomas continues, “I know Anxiety might be on the more… negative spectrum of my emotions, but he's still one of us, and he's still valid as a side of my personality. We can't exclude him. He actually helps all of us.” 

Patton nods. “He knew that your friends helped you last time, and he didn't shut me out in the growing up video.” 

“Agh, you had to bring that up.” Roman winces. “You’re right, though. He knows your creative limits and he's realistic about your goals.”

“He’s also the only person I can have a decent debate with.” Logan adds. “And, like me, he’s not fond of… sunshine.”

“See? He's not bad at all! He's just-”

“Dismal.”

“Monochromatic.”

“Spicy?”

“-Anxious. I was going to say anxious.”

“Right.”

“That makes sense.”

“I still think he's spicy.”

 

Thomas

 

Thomas scours his apartment and the mind palace for Anxiety. He checks Anxiety’s dark corner, he checks his bed, and he checks the bath (why Anxiety is prone to fully clothed bubble baths while drinking purple Gatorade out of a wine glass, Thomas will never know).

He finds Anxiety sitting on the stairs, in the spot he’s usually in for videos.

Thomas sighs and sits down next to Anxiety, who is pointedly staring at his own hands.  “I’m sorry, Anxiety. I shouldn’t have been trying to find out your name by pressuring you to tell me.”

Anxiety stays silent, but Thomas notices an attentiveness that makes him continue. 

“You don’t have to tell me your name at all if you don’t want to. And if you do, just do it when you’re ready.”

He waits. Anxiety says nothing. Thomas goes to stands up, assuming that’s his cue to leave, but he hears-

“I…” Anxiety looks up. “Thanks.” He smiles at Thomas, with one of those small, genuine smiles that he rarely does, which always melt Thomas’ heart. “I _will_ tell you, at some point. But not today.”

“No pressure, buddy.” Thomas smiles, then pauses. “Hey. I’m sorry if me or the others give you a hard time.”

“Whatever.” Anxiety shrugs. “I’m used to it. I am your anxiety, after all, and that’s not exactly creativity, or kindness, or intelligence.” 

“That’s not true. You look out for me. Sure, you can be a bit cynical and grumpy, and yeah, you can be really negative at times, but so can the others! So can _I_! But you’re realistic, you care about me and the others, and you just want what’s best for us. We don't pity you, and we don't hate you. You're one of us.”

Anxiety doesn’t reply. Thomas doesn’t think he will. “See you later?”

Anxiety huffs a soft laugh. “You always do. Especially if you get invited to a party.”

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to try a fun little oneshot about Anxiety's name that reads like one of Thomas' videos. Hopefully I succeeded! This is my first published work and I wanted to post it before Thomas' next vlog, so sorry if it's not great!
> 
> My tumblr is shakespearesocks, come and say hi!


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